I cry beacause others are stupid and it makes me sad.
I'm not insane, my mother had me tested!
Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. Shhhhh!!!!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'M BATMAN!!!! SHHHH!!!
Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out if you kill a starfish it'll just come back to life.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.
Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of "friends with benefits."
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Penny: Oh, you're welcome sweetie.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm sleepy now get out.
*Sheldon trying to figure out the card-trick*
Penny: No big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun!
Sheldon: "Not knowing is part of the fun." Was that the motto of your community college?
I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
What type of Computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.
Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur! Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Pur, Pur, Pur!
Penny: Are you saying that Amy is... Oh, what's the scientific word...
Sheldon: Forget science: she's horny.
Sheldon: I can't seem to get in touch with Amy. I tried e-mail, video chat, tweeting her, posting on her Facebook wall,texting her, nothing.
Leonard: Did you try calling her on the telephone?
Sheldon: The telephone. You know, Leonard, in your own simple way, you may be the wisest of us all.
She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out into the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal which brought you 5,000 years into the future, which you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we transported to work at the thinkatorium by telepathically controlled dolphins.
Penny: Sheldon have you changed your wireless password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny get your own WiFi"; no spaces.
No butts, no cuts, no coconuts.
There there, everything is going to be fine... Sheldon's here!
Come back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you.
Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny!